It is strange that I've been engaged since March and we've had the date set since April but just in the past week or so it has really set in that I'm getting married!
I wonder if part of the delay in that reality was because there were other things that had to happen before the wedding could...like deciding on a Kum and being baptized. But now those things are done and there's nothing but time in the way.
My Matron of honor and bridesmaid are ordering dresses this week...another thing to make it more real. We soon need to start thinking about bakers, tux styles and perhaps even a honeymoon (we have one in mind but I don't think we'll be able to afford it right after the wedding so it may be an anniversary trip instead).
All the smaller details are coming to mind...ordering save the date cards, getting our stationary ordered, getting the boxes for the favors, finishing assembly on one of my projects, folding origami tulips until my fingers are raw with paper cuts....or and maybe I should even make sure I have a finalized guest list from Milan.
AGGG!
Okay minor bride panic has subsided for now...more to come in the next 7 months I'm sure.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Friday, September 11, 2009
The Baptism
Better late than never right? It was a crazy busy weekend and it has been crazy at work so I haven't been thinking real well in the evenings.
Anyway, I have to say the Baptism was fabulous and our party went great. I didn't even butcher Communion on Sunday! After a week of LOTS of work and stress before the big day I'm still amazed at how smoothly it all went.
The week before we decided to put new siding on the house so it looked better for the party. A word of advice...DON'T DO THIS!! It got done in time but Milan and I nearly killed ourselves getting the yard ready (things to tear down, dirt to be moved etc) for the siding guys. Then there was a week of cleaning and food buying and alcohol buying and food prep...can't say any of that was a ton of fun either. But in the end it was worth every minute of it.
There were no fewer than a million pictures taken at the church but none at the party so I'll just post the highlights as I explain the Baptismal process as best as I can.
Here we are before heading off to the church...already running late because Milan is worse than most women when it comes to getting ready.
Once we got to the church Father wasted no time getting things started. We headed to the entryway of the church where it all begins to signify that we were not members of the church (this is standard procedure...Baptism "brings one into the Church.") In the vestibule I had to renounce Satan on behalf of both Eric and myself...three times (everything is done three times to represent the Holy Trinity). In fact I had to spit on Satan...Father actually expected me to spit but my mouth was so dry I'm sure dust was all that came out. I was also taught the proper way to cross myself and why they do it the way they do...thumb and the first two fingers together to represent the Holy Trinity and the last two fingers tucked into the palm to represent the two natures of Christ, divine and human.
A picture of Eric right before I spit on the floor...I think he was worried I'd get yelled at like he does when he spits.
After that I was asked to read "The Creed." Now, those who know me know this, I DO NOT read out loud. I hate it with a passion you can't possibly understand. It all stems back from a dyslexic moment in 7th grade but regardless I HATE IT! I had told Milan that I hoped I didn't have to read anything but I suspected I might and I knew it would be The Creed so I'd pre-read it a few times. Had I known for sure I'd be reading it I would have just memorized it because I have no issues public speaking, just public reading. Ordinarily this would be done by the Kum but since I'm old enough to read Father told me to do it. As soon as he told me to read panic set in until Milan slipped his arm around my back...after stumbling through a few lines Kuma L and Kum Peter started saying it with me which helped a lot. It wouldn't be so bad but it is pretty long. I learned later that "The Creed" is standard amongst religions and it is the same ones the Catholics say. "I believe in one God..." Had it been the Lord's Prayer I'd have been set, that I remember from childhood.
After that torture was over (I debated the whole thing when Father asked me to read but decided Milan was worth it) we entered the church. Father lit candles, one for me, one for Eric and started the actual Baptismal service. Fortunately neither Eric nor myself are small enough to fit in the font because the usual process for babies is a full, three times over, naked dunk. So I suppose those who were present should also be happy the font was too small for me to climb in. :) Once candles were lit, Kum Peter held Eric's, I held my own most of the time we were Anointed...where father puts blessed oil (also known as the oil of exorcism) on our forehead, nose, ears, mouth, chest, hands and feet in the sign of the cross as an "armor" against evil spirits.
At some point Father blessed the water, though I don't recall if that happen before or after the anointing. He then poured it over me...and then Eric. Now, from what I have heard, our Father is a little more hardcore about this. My future neice-in-law said the Father who baptized her just used a handful of water...Eric and I were not so lucky...we got a pitcher of water, three times, over the head. In fact, Father even dumped it down my back once! It was like wet t-shirt day at St. George...good thing I was wearing black!
Once we were officially soaked we resumed our previous positions, though now covered in white towels. If we'd been infants I believe we would have been dressed in new, white, clothes all together. Eric was trying to grab my candle and ended up with melted wax dripping on his thumb...he managed to not yell and kept his tears to a mimimum...such a big boy. :) We were then Chrismated or Confirmed. Father took oil and a paintbrush and, in the same locations as anointing us, made the sign of the cross. Father is a wonderful man and managed to tickle Eric and joke with him as he did it.
Chrismation is the seal of the gift of the Holy Spirit and is traditionally done immediately after baptism in the Orthodox church; confirmation it is usually separated from baptism by YEARS in the Catholic church.
After Chrismation there is a small haircut performed. Fortunately I never got around to getting haircuts for either of us or Father would have had a hard time finding hair to cut. The haircut symbolizes giving all your strength to God (read the story of Samson to better understand this) as well as a sacrafice to Him because infants have little else to give. It is just a couple little snips of hair.
After haircuts we all walk around the altar three times. This would have traditionally been done right before Communion but because of the timing of things in today's culture it has become symbolic of the walk to receive first Communion.
After the procession around the altar we were then "Churched." This is the way of "offering" the person to the church and God. It is a bit harder to explain. What I can tell you is that, as a woman, I was not(and never will be) allowed to go behind the Iconostasis (the wall of Icons at the front of an Orthodox church). I was walked to the Royal doors )the main doors in the center of the stasis) and blessed there as well as in front of two other icons, forgive me for not knowing which ones. Eric, on the other hand, was taken behind the stasis for his "churching."
I'm jealous!
After the Churching Father told everyone how it is your responsible to go out and "recruit" for lack of a better word. And then our Kumovi presented Eric and I with our baptismal crosses. Not sure why but there aren't any good pictures of that.
Here are some pics of the family:
Us with Father
Father, Us and Kum Peter
Our families (Mine & Eric's)
There should be pictures of us with our Kumovi but for some reason I can't locate them. :(
So there is the process, best I can recall, from beginning to end. I expected to get emotional about this but I didn't. Milan, however, did. He was pretty teary eyed when we got home. It was short lived though because we had A LOT to do for the party...which turned out great except for my mom's trip to the ER with a severely sprained ankle. Everyone had a good time, the food was well received (pulled pork and chevaps...odd combo I know, but it fit the crowd).
The day after our Baptism, Eric and I both were able to take Communion for the first time. That actually made me cry, not a full on sob but pretty darn weepy. We ended up delaying the whole thing because we didn't realize we were supposed to be up front when we were, but we covered pretty well I think. Kum Peter did communion with us which was awesome of him to do...especially since it meant less reading for me to do. :)
Anyway, I have to say the Baptism was fabulous and our party went great. I didn't even butcher Communion on Sunday! After a week of LOTS of work and stress before the big day I'm still amazed at how smoothly it all went.
The week before we decided to put new siding on the house so it looked better for the party. A word of advice...DON'T DO THIS!! It got done in time but Milan and I nearly killed ourselves getting the yard ready (things to tear down, dirt to be moved etc) for the siding guys. Then there was a week of cleaning and food buying and alcohol buying and food prep...can't say any of that was a ton of fun either. But in the end it was worth every minute of it.
There were no fewer than a million pictures taken at the church but none at the party so I'll just post the highlights as I explain the Baptismal process as best as I can.
Here we are before heading off to the church...already running late because Milan is worse than most women when it comes to getting ready.Once we got to the church Father wasted no time getting things started. We headed to the entryway of the church where it all begins to signify that we were not members of the church (this is standard procedure...Baptism "brings one into the Church.") In the vestibule I had to renounce Satan on behalf of both Eric and myself...three times (everything is done three times to represent the Holy Trinity). In fact I had to spit on Satan...Father actually expected me to spit but my mouth was so dry I'm sure dust was all that came out. I was also taught the proper way to cross myself and why they do it the way they do...thumb and the first two fingers together to represent the Holy Trinity and the last two fingers tucked into the palm to represent the two natures of Christ, divine and human.
A picture of Eric right before I spit on the floor...I think he was worried I'd get yelled at like he does when he spits.
After that I was asked to read "The Creed." Now, those who know me know this, I DO NOT read out loud. I hate it with a passion you can't possibly understand. It all stems back from a dyslexic moment in 7th grade but regardless I HATE IT! I had told Milan that I hoped I didn't have to read anything but I suspected I might and I knew it would be The Creed so I'd pre-read it a few times. Had I known for sure I'd be reading it I would have just memorized it because I have no issues public speaking, just public reading. Ordinarily this would be done by the Kum but since I'm old enough to read Father told me to do it. As soon as he told me to read panic set in until Milan slipped his arm around my back...after stumbling through a few lines Kuma L and Kum Peter started saying it with me which helped a lot. It wouldn't be so bad but it is pretty long. I learned later that "The Creed" is standard amongst religions and it is the same ones the Catholics say. "I believe in one God..." Had it been the Lord's Prayer I'd have been set, that I remember from childhood.After that torture was over (I debated the whole thing when Father asked me to read but decided Milan was worth it) we entered the church. Father lit candles, one for me, one for Eric and started the actual Baptismal service. Fortunately neither Eric nor myself are small enough to fit in the font because the usual process for babies is a full, three times over, naked dunk. So I suppose those who were present should also be happy the font was too small for me to climb in. :) Once candles were lit, Kum Peter held Eric's, I held my own most of the time we were Anointed...where father puts blessed oil (also known as the oil of exorcism) on our forehead, nose, ears, mouth, chest, hands and feet in the sign of the cross as an "armor" against evil spirits.
At some point Father blessed the water, though I don't recall if that happen before or after the anointing. He then poured it over me...and then Eric. Now, from what I have heard, our Father is a little more hardcore about this. My future neice-in-law said the Father who baptized her just used a handful of water...Eric and I were not so lucky...we got a pitcher of water, three times, over the head. In fact, Father even dumped it down my back once! It was like wet t-shirt day at St. George...good thing I was wearing black!
Once we were officially soaked we resumed our previous positions, though now covered in white towels. If we'd been infants I believe we would have been dressed in new, white, clothes all together. Eric was trying to grab my candle and ended up with melted wax dripping on his thumb...he managed to not yell and kept his tears to a mimimum...such a big boy. :) We were then Chrismated or Confirmed. Father took oil and a paintbrush and, in the same locations as anointing us, made the sign of the cross. Father is a wonderful man and managed to tickle Eric and joke with him as he did it.
Chrismation is the seal of the gift of the Holy Spirit and is traditionally done immediately after baptism in the Orthodox church; confirmation it is usually separated from baptism by YEARS in the Catholic church.
After Chrismation there is a small haircut performed. Fortunately I never got around to getting haircuts for either of us or Father would have had a hard time finding hair to cut. The haircut symbolizes giving all your strength to God (read the story of Samson to better understand this) as well as a sacrafice to Him because infants have little else to give. It is just a couple little snips of hair.
After haircuts we all walk around the altar three times. This would have traditionally been done right before Communion but because of the timing of things in today's culture it has become symbolic of the walk to receive first Communion.
After the procession around the altar we were then "Churched." This is the way of "offering" the person to the church and God. It is a bit harder to explain. What I can tell you is that, as a woman, I was not(and never will be) allowed to go behind the Iconostasis (the wall of Icons at the front of an Orthodox church). I was walked to the Royal doors )the main doors in the center of the stasis) and blessed there as well as in front of two other icons, forgive me for not knowing which ones. Eric, on the other hand, was taken behind the stasis for his "churching."
I'm jealous!After the Churching Father told everyone how it is your responsible to go out and "recruit" for lack of a better word. And then our Kumovi presented Eric and I with our baptismal crosses. Not sure why but there aren't any good pictures of that.
Here are some pics of the family:
Us with Father
Father, Us and Kum Peter
Our families (Mine & Eric's)There should be pictures of us with our Kumovi but for some reason I can't locate them. :(
So there is the process, best I can recall, from beginning to end. I expected to get emotional about this but I didn't. Milan, however, did. He was pretty teary eyed when we got home. It was short lived though because we had A LOT to do for the party...which turned out great except for my mom's trip to the ER with a severely sprained ankle. Everyone had a good time, the food was well received (pulled pork and chevaps...odd combo I know, but it fit the crowd).
The day after our Baptism, Eric and I both were able to take Communion for the first time. That actually made me cry, not a full on sob but pretty darn weepy. We ended up delaying the whole thing because we didn't realize we were supposed to be up front when we were, but we covered pretty well I think. Kum Peter did communion with us which was awesome of him to do...especially since it meant less reading for me to do. :)
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
It's growing!
Remember in my last post when it was just going to be a few people and no party or anything after wards? Well...apparently there will now be about 15 people at the church and we are having a BBQ after the baptism (at my TINY TINY house...ugh) and currently there are 33 people on the guest list!!! How did this happen you ask? Milan's sister said, via e-mail, "Are you guys having a luncheon? This is sorta a big thing in our culture." Which I initially opposed and then I caved and said, "Well, I suppose having a few people over and doing some cold cuts wouldn't kill me." Within two hours it was a full on summer cookout and the guest list keeps growing. At this rate we may as well just invite everyone on the wedding list and have the reception in the backyard 8 months before the wedding. LOL
I'm doing okay with it so far but I expect a major freak out at some point. Up until now in my life the most people I've ever had to entertain was like 8 and it was my best friends who would didn't care what I made for dinner as long as there was beer. And now I have to try to feed 35 people? *deep soothing breathes* I can do this.
I'm doing okay with it so far but I expect a major freak out at some point. Up until now in my life the most people I've ever had to entertain was like 8 and it was my best friends who would didn't care what I made for dinner as long as there was beer. And now I have to try to feed 35 people? *deep soothing breathes* I can do this.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
All set
September 5 at 11am is it. Father, at first, wasn't sure he could do it that day because he has another one at 12:30 but said we could go before that if we wanted. He took down all the information he needed (birthday, time and location for Eric and I as well as both our parents names) and he said all we needed to do was show up. I can do that. Kum Peter has to bring stuff for us. He also asked Father how it was performed (some churches do full submersion others a sprinkling and we didn't know what the routine was). Father said, "We'll have a portable pool brought in, about 5 feet deep." We all just looked at him and then he laughed and said, "There's a pool over there" as he gestured to one side of the church. From what I could see even Eric won't fit in it so I'm thinking it'll be more of a pouring of water rather than a dunking. :) So, we're all set.
We had to stay after to talk to Father of course and it was just the 5 of us in there and Eric said, "Father, I have something to say." Father said, "Oh yea, what's that?" "Why do you have to sing so long in church?" Father chuckled and said "You think it is too long?" "Yes" "Me too but I can't make it any shorter, I try but there is only so much I can do." "Okay." He is a good man, Father I mean....very patient.
Also, I already invited Kum Peter's parents and I told Milan to invite his sister and her family to the baptism. Still debating who else I want to ask.
We had to stay after to talk to Father of course and it was just the 5 of us in there and Eric said, "Father, I have something to say." Father said, "Oh yea, what's that?" "Why do you have to sing so long in church?" Father chuckled and said "You think it is too long?" "Yes" "Me too but I can't make it any shorter, I try but there is only so much I can do." "Okay." He is a good man, Father I mean....very patient.
Also, I already invited Kum Peter's parents and I told Milan to invite his sister and her family to the baptism. Still debating who else I want to ask.
"Pick a Date"
That's what Father said when I finally got to talk to him yesterday about the baptism. He said, "We can do it any day and anytime as long as I'm in town...so talk to your future husband and Kum and pick a date." Okie dokie I suppose we can do that. Father is a wonderful man but every so often when I call and he gives me one more tiny task to do I wonder this: when we first discussed me being baptized why didn't you say, "Read this book, decide on a Kum, pick a date and THEN call me." But he said "call me after you read this book," and then "call me when you choose a Kum," and now "Call me when you pick a date." I'm thinking much time could have been saved if I was given the full process rather than one step at a time. No big deal I suppose...just a thought that has crossed my mind.
I'm curious to see how the wedding plans will go with him. He already knows the Kum and date for that but will he be like "Call me when you decide on a time," "Call me to discuss the pre-wedding confession," "Call me with rehearsal dinner plans..." and so on. Perhaps this time, now that I know his routine, I'll just ask up front what the whole process is and when we should call him with details. He is very "step-by-step" which is good because I have no clue what the steps are but I feel like Eric who, when drawing a square, checks with me after each side is drawn to make sure it is okay.
So now I am trying to decide on a date. I'm leaning towards September 5 which is the weekend of my birthday. Mostly just because it seems like as good a weekend as any other but also because that whole "spiritual rebirth" thing that it symbolizes would be so close to my actual birthday...just seems kinda appropriate. Milan said he doesn't care when it is so I'll check with Kum Peter after church this morning and see if he's free. Then I'll call Father again and tell him and he'll say "Okay, decide on a time and call me back." Perhaps I should have one in mind so I can beat him to the punch. :)
Then there's the debate I keep having in my head of who I want to have there. We are very quiet, low-key people and to me this is a very personal thing to do so I don't know if I want Milan's sister and her family there, or the entire Kumovi for that matter. But somehow it seems that having them there is more logical (for lack of a better word) than having my family there. It isn't as though my mom is supportive of the idea...she doesn't go to church, doesn't really claim a religion and I wasn't raised with one so I'm not "betraying" anything by doing this. But she hasn't been overly supportive either...no, "Wow that is awesome you're willing to do that" or "That's great honey if that's what you want to do." Granted those aren't things my mom would really say anyway but still. So far the only comment she's made about it was after I told her Kum Peter said yes, "You must be really crazy about Milan to go through all this....or perhaps just crazy." What is that? Was that an insult? Does she think I'm nuts for doing this? Or was she saying "This guy must be really special, I'm happy for you." I have no clue. Mom is odd and after almost 32 years I still don't get her sometimes. I do know where I inherited my ability to be ambiguous from though. Oh I forgot, she did ask one time, "Do we have to have some big party for this baptism?" No, thanks for kinda-sorta-possibly offering to have one though? *shrug*
My sister specifically asked to be there and really she is the LAST person I want to invite. We don't get along (read: I can't stand her, she's oblivious and thus even more irritating). She has "special needs" and is 29 but mentally is only about 10-12 years old...can you imagine living with a 10 year old forever?!?! The insane amounts of strange questions she asks is unbelievable. So having her at something as very foreign to her as a Serbian Orthodox Baptism would just be enough to spawn a zillion questions leading me to want to do very unholy things to her. Not to mention, Father's accent is VERY thick and she wouldn't understand any of it, even if he performs it in English.
So anyway, I have no clue who I want to invite to this ordeal. Part of me wants to just have the necessary parties there: us, Father and Kum Peter. Milan said we can include whomever we want and that if we don't invite people and they are offended then so-be-it. That sounds nice in theory but I don't know if I want to deal with the aftermath. Plus I would feel bad...these people (Milan's family and Kumovi) have been very welcoming to me since day one so why would I want to leave them out of this?
UGH! I'm at a total loss as to what to do. Maybe I'll just do it on a random Tuesday and say "I'm sorry, I didn't think you'd be able to make it."
I'm curious to see how the wedding plans will go with him. He already knows the Kum and date for that but will he be like "Call me when you decide on a time," "Call me to discuss the pre-wedding confession," "Call me with rehearsal dinner plans..." and so on. Perhaps this time, now that I know his routine, I'll just ask up front what the whole process is and when we should call him with details. He is very "step-by-step" which is good because I have no clue what the steps are but I feel like Eric who, when drawing a square, checks with me after each side is drawn to make sure it is okay.
So now I am trying to decide on a date. I'm leaning towards September 5 which is the weekend of my birthday. Mostly just because it seems like as good a weekend as any other but also because that whole "spiritual rebirth" thing that it symbolizes would be so close to my actual birthday...just seems kinda appropriate. Milan said he doesn't care when it is so I'll check with Kum Peter after church this morning and see if he's free. Then I'll call Father again and tell him and he'll say "Okay, decide on a time and call me back." Perhaps I should have one in mind so I can beat him to the punch. :)
Then there's the debate I keep having in my head of who I want to have there. We are very quiet, low-key people and to me this is a very personal thing to do so I don't know if I want Milan's sister and her family there, or the entire Kumovi for that matter. But somehow it seems that having them there is more logical (for lack of a better word) than having my family there. It isn't as though my mom is supportive of the idea...she doesn't go to church, doesn't really claim a religion and I wasn't raised with one so I'm not "betraying" anything by doing this. But she hasn't been overly supportive either...no, "Wow that is awesome you're willing to do that" or "That's great honey if that's what you want to do." Granted those aren't things my mom would really say anyway but still. So far the only comment she's made about it was after I told her Kum Peter said yes, "You must be really crazy about Milan to go through all this....or perhaps just crazy." What is that? Was that an insult? Does she think I'm nuts for doing this? Or was she saying "This guy must be really special, I'm happy for you." I have no clue. Mom is odd and after almost 32 years I still don't get her sometimes. I do know where I inherited my ability to be ambiguous from though. Oh I forgot, she did ask one time, "Do we have to have some big party for this baptism?" No, thanks for kinda-sorta-possibly offering to have one though? *shrug*
My sister specifically asked to be there and really she is the LAST person I want to invite. We don't get along (read: I can't stand her, she's oblivious and thus even more irritating). She has "special needs" and is 29 but mentally is only about 10-12 years old...can you imagine living with a 10 year old forever?!?! The insane amounts of strange questions she asks is unbelievable. So having her at something as very foreign to her as a Serbian Orthodox Baptism would just be enough to spawn a zillion questions leading me to want to do very unholy things to her. Not to mention, Father's accent is VERY thick and she wouldn't understand any of it, even if he performs it in English.
So anyway, I have no clue who I want to invite to this ordeal. Part of me wants to just have the necessary parties there: us, Father and Kum Peter. Milan said we can include whomever we want and that if we don't invite people and they are offended then so-be-it. That sounds nice in theory but I don't know if I want to deal with the aftermath. Plus I would feel bad...these people (Milan's family and Kumovi) have been very welcoming to me since day one so why would I want to leave them out of this?
UGH! I'm at a total loss as to what to do. Maybe I'll just do it on a random Tuesday and say "I'm sorry, I didn't think you'd be able to make it."
Monday, August 10, 2009
Odd realization
I have the day off so Milan and I got a chance to talk this morning before he left for work (usually he's still snoring when I leave). We were just chatting away and Kum Peter came up...we're still both excited and happy he said yes. But I mentioned his back pain, he has some back issues and was in much pain when he came over Saturday and still sore at church yesterday...though it didn't stop him from bending over to hug Eric and I (he's waaaay tall, I mean everyone is compared to me but I think he's tall even by most people's standards). So I told Milan that and he said that just shows the type of guy he is which made me even happier that we chose him. I then mentioned that I was planning to e-mail Kum today to find out how his back was feeling and see if he'd made an appointment yet with the massage person that has magical hands that fix the issue. I stood there for a second and I got a little teary and said, "It is odd that just a few days ago I liked Peter just fine and all but now I'm feeling the need to make sure he's doing okay. It is interesting that, without really thinking about it, in my mind he's gone from just a family friend to someone I actually care about like he's family." Milan smiled and said, "Well he is family now."
I just found that strange...in a good way. Somewhere inside this transition happen, it isn't a conscious thought or anything. This man, who 4 days ago I barely knew his last name, is suddenly that important to me. Which in turn makes me realize just how engrossed I've become in this process. A couple months ago the Kumovi concept was very foreign to me, I understood it from a logical point of view, but I didn't get it. I think it is so hard to grasp because it is basically a family member that you get to choose. You can't pick your blood relatives, you can't even entirely pick who you fall in love with (and certainly not their family)...but this one person is someone you think enough of to ask them if they will be part of your life. How awesome is that?
When I saw Kum Peter at church yesterday it was different. Usually we exchange hellos and hugs and such like with anyone else. But yesterday he waited for Eric and I after church (Milan had to work) just to make sure we got to talk. The hugs were longer and they felt different. I wish I could explain it. He called me Kuma which still sounded funny, but I liked it.
I just don't know how to really describe how it changed or how it feels or what it means but I just can't find the words to have it make sense.
I just found that strange...in a good way. Somewhere inside this transition happen, it isn't a conscious thought or anything. This man, who 4 days ago I barely knew his last name, is suddenly that important to me. Which in turn makes me realize just how engrossed I've become in this process. A couple months ago the Kumovi concept was very foreign to me, I understood it from a logical point of view, but I didn't get it. I think it is so hard to grasp because it is basically a family member that you get to choose. You can't pick your blood relatives, you can't even entirely pick who you fall in love with (and certainly not their family)...but this one person is someone you think enough of to ask them if they will be part of your life. How awesome is that?
When I saw Kum Peter at church yesterday it was different. Usually we exchange hellos and hugs and such like with anyone else. But yesterday he waited for Eric and I after church (Milan had to work) just to make sure we got to talk. The hugs were longer and they felt different. I wish I could explain it. He called me Kuma which still sounded funny, but I liked it.
I just don't know how to really describe how it changed or how it feels or what it means but I just can't find the words to have it make sense.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
He said yes!
After much conversation and thought we finally decided who we wanted to be our Kum. Originally Milan was thinking it should be someone older than us but I convinced him it wasn't necessary and that someone young could do the job just as well. He asked if I had someone in particular in mind and I was like, "Peter." He thought for a few minutes and agreed. Peter is already Kumovi because his parents are Kum and Kuma to Milan's nephew and niece-in-law and his brother is the Kum for their marriage. That makes me feel like I should put together a Kumovi tree just so people who don't know "the system" can see how it ties together.
C&M are Milan's sister and brother-in-law...green lines indicate kumovi relationships. Clear as mud even with the visual aide!
We invited Peter over for dinner last night. I'm pretty sure he had at least an inkling as to why we were having him over since no one in his family (or Milan's for that matter) has been invited over. Anyway I made a super yummy dinner...figured I had to win him over somehow so he'd be willing to take on this responsibility we were asking of him. So after many hours of eating and talking Milan finally stepped in and was like, "So Peter, we asked you over because we wanted to talk to you about something.....we have this time share..." I just cracked up! We had joked about asking him to babysit and things like that because we're just goofy people but the timeshare idea was never discussed so I wasn't prepared and couldn't hold myself together. After letting me laugh it out for a few minutes and Peter looking very confused Milan said, "I'm kidding of course. We wanted to know if you'd be our Kum." With no hesitation at all Peter said yes. Then I added, "This does take on some extras though because Eric and I would also like you to be our Kum since we haven't been baptized yet." He said, "Well of course, I'm truly honored that you guys asked." He was a little misty-eyed even! It was great, we all exchanged hugs and he called us Kum and Kuma which sounded so weird because that was the first time someone had said it to me.
I'm glad we decided on Peter. He's a couple years younger than me but so mature and smart and just an all around great guy. Besides that, the only person who is at church more regularly than Peter is Father I think...so from a spiritual sense he's the perfect choice too. He is the type of person who would give you the shirt off his back...his whole family is like that.
Milan has to work today but I decided Eric and I would go to church anyway. Seems odd to have our Kum over for dinner and then skip church the next morning...even though Peter didn't leave until about 1am.
Cute story...when I told Eric Peter was coming over I told him, "You may have to start calling him Kum Peter." He looked at me kinda puzzled and said, "Computer?!?!" I cracked up. He seems to have the name under control now though...I was kinda hoping Computer would stick actually. :)
C&M are Milan's sister and brother-in-law...green lines indicate kumovi relationships. Clear as mud even with the visual aide!
We invited Peter over for dinner last night. I'm pretty sure he had at least an inkling as to why we were having him over since no one in his family (or Milan's for that matter) has been invited over. Anyway I made a super yummy dinner...figured I had to win him over somehow so he'd be willing to take on this responsibility we were asking of him. So after many hours of eating and talking Milan finally stepped in and was like, "So Peter, we asked you over because we wanted to talk to you about something.....we have this time share..." I just cracked up! We had joked about asking him to babysit and things like that because we're just goofy people but the timeshare idea was never discussed so I wasn't prepared and couldn't hold myself together. After letting me laugh it out for a few minutes and Peter looking very confused Milan said, "I'm kidding of course. We wanted to know if you'd be our Kum." With no hesitation at all Peter said yes. Then I added, "This does take on some extras though because Eric and I would also like you to be our Kum since we haven't been baptized yet." He said, "Well of course, I'm truly honored that you guys asked." He was a little misty-eyed even! It was great, we all exchanged hugs and he called us Kum and Kuma which sounded so weird because that was the first time someone had said it to me.
I'm glad we decided on Peter. He's a couple years younger than me but so mature and smart and just an all around great guy. Besides that, the only person who is at church more regularly than Peter is Father I think...so from a spiritual sense he's the perfect choice too. He is the type of person who would give you the shirt off his back...his whole family is like that.
Milan has to work today but I decided Eric and I would go to church anyway. Seems odd to have our Kum over for dinner and then skip church the next morning...even though Peter didn't leave until about 1am.
Cute story...when I told Eric Peter was coming over I told him, "You may have to start calling him Kum Peter." He looked at me kinda puzzled and said, "Computer?!?!" I cracked up. He seems to have the name under control now though...I was kinda hoping Computer would stick actually. :)
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Talked to Father
After finishing the one book and being about half way done with the Liturgy book (still don't understand all of it but it's getting clearer) I decided to call Father to talk more about being baptized. Really I just had a couple questions, mostly relating to Kumovi selection and time frames. I called him yesterday on my way home from work and he returned my called last night but I didn't hear my cell phone. So I just now called him back.
I wanted to know the "rules" about choosing Kumovi.
- Can I have the same as Eric and can that person (or people) be the same for our wedding. Yes they can
- Can they be related to other Kumovi of Milan's? Yes, it can be anyone as long as they aren't direct family and "won't interfere with the marriage" Not entirely sure what that means but okay.
- Do they have to be Serbian Orthodox? No, they have to be Orthodox, but it can be any variety...Greek, Russian, American etc.
As far as timing he said, "Once you decide on Kumovi call me back and we'll set up a date. Late July? August? September? Whenever, the wedding isn't until may so we have time."
He also said, "I am so excited that you are wanting to do this, it was always exciting for me to baptize someone but especially someone who understands what is happening and is making the choice on their own. You feel free to call me if you have any other questions. Make sure you tell Milan 'hello' for me"
Such a very nice man...who, when he returned my call, told me to call him at home or his cell and gave me both numbers. This is a priest who really wants to be involved and helpful to his parishioners. That makes me happy since often clergy seem very distant and, pardon the pun, "holier than thou."
Off to church tomorrow. We're trying to make a better effort at going regularly just so he remembers our faces, especially mine at this point, and knows that I'm not just doing this for the sake of the wedding.
I wanted to know the "rules" about choosing Kumovi.
- Can I have the same as Eric and can that person (or people) be the same for our wedding. Yes they can
- Can they be related to other Kumovi of Milan's? Yes, it can be anyone as long as they aren't direct family and "won't interfere with the marriage" Not entirely sure what that means but okay.
- Do they have to be Serbian Orthodox? No, they have to be Orthodox, but it can be any variety...Greek, Russian, American etc.
As far as timing he said, "Once you decide on Kumovi call me back and we'll set up a date. Late July? August? September? Whenever, the wedding isn't until may so we have time."
He also said, "I am so excited that you are wanting to do this, it was always exciting for me to baptize someone but especially someone who understands what is happening and is making the choice on their own. You feel free to call me if you have any other questions. Make sure you tell Milan 'hello' for me"
Such a very nice man...who, when he returned my call, told me to call him at home or his cell and gave me both numbers. This is a priest who really wants to be involved and helpful to his parishioners. That makes me happy since often clergy seem very distant and, pardon the pun, "holier than thou."
Off to church tomorrow. We're trying to make a better effort at going regularly just so he remembers our faces, especially mine at this point, and knows that I'm not just doing this for the sake of the wedding.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
One book down...a zillion more to go
I finished reading "Becoming Orthodox" and it was a very interesting read actually. A little slow at the beginning but it became pretty good. I even laughed a few times during the read. As all things religious are, it is up to interpretation, but something I didn't know is that Orthodoxy was actually first and Catholicism is a branch off of it. I thought it was the other way around. That said, Orthodoxy is actually more true to the beginnings of church.
Next up on the reading list is a short book called "Let Us Attend: A Journey Through the Orthodox Divine Liturgy" which explains the history and symbolism of the typical Sunday morning service. I'm all for tradition but as an outsider who can't understand what is being said during service I want to know what things represent (like the incense) or why everything is done in three's. I asked Milan and he said, "I don't know, it just is the way things are, been that way since I was a kid." I said "It's actually been that way since AD 32...but you never wondered why?" "Nope, it just is." Maybe I'm just odd but unless there is a reason for something then I want to change it. (My coworkers would attest to me not accepting, "We've just always done it that way" as a reason for not changing a process. I think they hate me for it.) Obviously I have no plan to change the Divine Liturgy, but I know there's a reason behind it all and I have to know what it is so I have a better grasp of what is going on.
Also, I need to find out what prompts everyone to make the sign of the cross during service. I'm not opposed to doing it but I don't want to do it just because everyone else is, I want to know why otherwise it means very little. This is something else I asked Milan and he said , "I'm not always sure when either, so I just follow the old ladies." WHAT WHAT WHAT!?!?! SIGH. I told him I'd explain it when I figured it all out. He jokes that I'm going to end up more Serbian than he is.
Also, I think I have decided to have Eric baptized with me...contrary to the input from some friends. One of the reasons I had for not doing it is that I like the fact that at 31 I am choosing the beliefs I want to embrace. But even if I had been baptized Methodist as a kid (as my parents tried to do) I would still be making this choice now...I just wouldn't have to go through the official process. Besides...what is it going to hurt? I know my kid and Lord knows he'll need all the help he can get! (Recall the post about him doing devil horns in church?)
Next up on the reading list is a short book called "Let Us Attend: A Journey Through the Orthodox Divine Liturgy" which explains the history and symbolism of the typical Sunday morning service. I'm all for tradition but as an outsider who can't understand what is being said during service I want to know what things represent (like the incense) or why everything is done in three's. I asked Milan and he said, "I don't know, it just is the way things are, been that way since I was a kid." I said "It's actually been that way since AD 32...but you never wondered why?" "Nope, it just is." Maybe I'm just odd but unless there is a reason for something then I want to change it. (My coworkers would attest to me not accepting, "We've just always done it that way" as a reason for not changing a process. I think they hate me for it.) Obviously I have no plan to change the Divine Liturgy, but I know there's a reason behind it all and I have to know what it is so I have a better grasp of what is going on.
Also, I need to find out what prompts everyone to make the sign of the cross during service. I'm not opposed to doing it but I don't want to do it just because everyone else is, I want to know why otherwise it means very little. This is something else I asked Milan and he said , "I'm not always sure when either, so I just follow the old ladies." WHAT WHAT WHAT!?!?! SIGH. I told him I'd explain it when I figured it all out. He jokes that I'm going to end up more Serbian than he is.
Also, I think I have decided to have Eric baptized with me...contrary to the input from some friends. One of the reasons I had for not doing it is that I like the fact that at 31 I am choosing the beliefs I want to embrace. But even if I had been baptized Methodist as a kid (as my parents tried to do) I would still be making this choice now...I just wouldn't have to go through the official process. Besides...what is it going to hurt? I know my kid and Lord knows he'll need all the help he can get! (Recall the post about him doing devil horns in church?)
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Actual wedding stuff
We finally decided on a reception location...it is a nice local country club with a beautiful view out the back wall which is all windows and a classy interior. It was more than I had set out to spend but as my mom said, "You didn't settle for the man, don't settle for a location either."
I also got a DJ booked today. After a few recommendations and seeing the current special they had it was too good to pass up.
Photographer is the only major thing left and I've gotten some really good reviews on a few different ones (and some very bad reviews on others to avoid) so that will be tough.
Just thought I'd update on the actually wedding plans. :)
I also got a DJ booked today. After a few recommendations and seeing the current special they had it was too good to pass up.
Photographer is the only major thing left and I've gotten some really good reviews on a few different ones (and some very bad reviews on others to avoid) so that will be tough.
Just thought I'd update on the actually wedding plans. :)
Monday, May 11, 2009
Church Sunday
First, Eric did REMARKABLY well! It was the first time he'd ever seen the inside of a church besides one short wedding last summer. We were there for about 2 hours (only about 90 minutes of that was during actual service) and he got pretty antsy but he stood most of the time and was very quiet even when he did speak. He even tried to learn how to properly cross himself but after trying with his left hand and then almost poking his eye out he gave up. Apparently we need to work on his fine motor skills. At some point he told Milan and I, "I can't believe" but I don't think it was related to church itself. He did the "rock on" devil horn hand sign a few times and we laughed because there is really no rocking out during an Orthodox service. At some point he asked me, "Who is that guy?" So I tried to quietly explain but gave up and just told Eric his name.
The highlight was at the very end when everyone goes to the front of the church to receive bread. I'm not entirely sure what this is or why it is done, best I can figure, it is done for those who cannot receive communion, everyone is welcome to take part every week. Usually I skip that and just wait in the lobby. Well since we met with Father and I feel a little better as an outsider in the church I decided to do it this Sunday. So you walk up front and kiss an icon (I'm not sure if this varies or if it is always the same or who it is) then you approach the priest and he presents the cross for you to kiss, then you kiss his hand, and then he gives you a piece of bread the size and shape of a crouton only soft. I'd observed this enough times that I knew the process...Eric however did not. So we get to the priest and he puts the cross in front of Eric's face and Eric looked at him like he was insane. I nearly cracked up. Father said, "It's okay, he will learn," and handed him his bread. Which Eric proclaimed was, "Very yummy bread!" as we were walking away.
After wards we milled around a bit outside talking to Milan's sister, nephew and a very small portion of Kumovi. Eric pretended to be shy which I found odd since he met all the same people at Slava and then saw most again at Easter.
I also found out this week that Tata (Milan's dad) got the pictures we sent to him. Milan hasn't talked to him since then but his sister mentioned that he got them and was annoyed that Milan didn't label them. It was mentioned that it is strange how much we look alike. She's not the first to mention it, I hear very often that Eric and Milan really could be father and son based on looks...and Milan and I have noticed some of our features are similar. People say all the time that we look like a family so perhaps it is perfect that we are becoming one. I'm just scared for what happens as we age since couples who are together a very long time start to look alike. By the time we die perhaps we could pass as twins?
A family picture we took when we did our engagement pictures last month.
The highlight was at the very end when everyone goes to the front of the church to receive bread. I'm not entirely sure what this is or why it is done, best I can figure, it is done for those who cannot receive communion, everyone is welcome to take part every week. Usually I skip that and just wait in the lobby. Well since we met with Father and I feel a little better as an outsider in the church I decided to do it this Sunday. So you walk up front and kiss an icon (I'm not sure if this varies or if it is always the same or who it is) then you approach the priest and he presents the cross for you to kiss, then you kiss his hand, and then he gives you a piece of bread the size and shape of a crouton only soft. I'd observed this enough times that I knew the process...Eric however did not. So we get to the priest and he puts the cross in front of Eric's face and Eric looked at him like he was insane. I nearly cracked up. Father said, "It's okay, he will learn," and handed him his bread. Which Eric proclaimed was, "Very yummy bread!" as we were walking away.
After wards we milled around a bit outside talking to Milan's sister, nephew and a very small portion of Kumovi. Eric pretended to be shy which I found odd since he met all the same people at Slava and then saw most again at Easter.
I also found out this week that Tata (Milan's dad) got the pictures we sent to him. Milan hasn't talked to him since then but his sister mentioned that he got them and was annoyed that Milan didn't label them. It was mentioned that it is strange how much we look alike. She's not the first to mention it, I hear very often that Eric and Milan really could be father and son based on looks...and Milan and I have noticed some of our features are similar. People say all the time that we look like a family so perhaps it is perfect that we are becoming one. I'm just scared for what happens as we age since couples who are together a very long time start to look alike. By the time we die perhaps we could pass as twins?
A family picture we took when we did our engagement pictures last month.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Let the reading begin
My books showed up Thursday....I'm currently on page 36 of the "Becoming Orthodox" one and so far so good. I like that it is a personal story of why they converted rather than a how-to. It makes it easier to read and allows me to see the process that happen that lead them to find Orthodoxy.
I had to have some lab work done and for some reason the hospital didn't have all of my info anymore...when I went in a couple months ago they had my high school address from 15 years ago but in the past two months I disappeared...go figure. Anyway, we had to go through all the usual "martial status, employer, next of kin" crap and she got to religion and I just stared at her for a minute. I guess she assumed I didn't hear her because she asked again and I said, "Sorry, Serbian Orthodox I suppose." "You suppose?" "Yea, it's not really official yet but I'm marrying a man who......never mind, you don't care about the story, just put down Orthodox." She just chuckled and me and moved on to the next space on the form. When she printed it out and gave it to me to give to the lab I look and it said, "REL: Sb Orth" and that was so strange to me because for my entire adult life that has always said, "REL: None." I figure if I'm converting and going to church and all that jazz I may as well have someone I know and like there to pray for my ass if something should happen, da nada Bog (God forbid).
Usually when Milan and I go to church we leave Eric with his dad's parents for the morning. They have been watching him a lot lately as we've had one thing after another that is MUCH easier without him present (like meeting with Father) so I told Milan yesterday that I didn't want him going over there this morning. I said, "I know you want to go to church and that's fine...but we're either taking Eric or he and I will stay home and you can go." He understood my reasoning and said, "Well, I guess we need to buy him some church clothes then." So off to Target we went to find a pair of dress pants and a button down for a 4 year old. It was oddly hard to find! Granted we could have gone to the mall and had no problem but I was trying to avoid that. So luckily for Eric, Target had no ties for little boys so he only got stuck with some black pants and a blue oxford....oh and some uncomfortable (they look like it anyway) black dress shoes. Most of you who may read this don't know my kid but he has the attention span of a fruit fly and can stay still for about 0.82 seconds and is only quiet when he's sleeping. So church should be interesting today. We decided we would sit near the back so we can easily duck out when he starts being crazy. Besides, it is Mother's Day...what better day to take my son to church with me right?
While we were shopping I also found myself some new church shoes. I have A LOT of shoes but most of them are sandals (like Birkenstocks or flip flops). I have some flats but they are either uncomfortable for long term wear or meant to be worn with pants. I was seriously lacking flats that were comfortable and skirt appropriate...so after MUCH time in the shoe store I found a pair that I hope will be okay and not kill my feet today. They were really comfy in the store but you just never know until you have to stand in them for 45+ minutes. I also dug a jacket out of my closet so my elbows will be covered today...good thing I remembered I had it...otherwise I'd have been wearing a sweater and who wants to do that when it's warm out?
Well, back to my reading while everyone is still asleep and the house is peacefully quiet. :)
I had to have some lab work done and for some reason the hospital didn't have all of my info anymore...when I went in a couple months ago they had my high school address from 15 years ago but in the past two months I disappeared...go figure. Anyway, we had to go through all the usual "martial status, employer, next of kin" crap and she got to religion and I just stared at her for a minute. I guess she assumed I didn't hear her because she asked again and I said, "Sorry, Serbian Orthodox I suppose." "You suppose?" "Yea, it's not really official yet but I'm marrying a man who......never mind, you don't care about the story, just put down Orthodox." She just chuckled and me and moved on to the next space on the form. When she printed it out and gave it to me to give to the lab I look and it said, "REL: Sb Orth" and that was so strange to me because for my entire adult life that has always said, "REL: None." I figure if I'm converting and going to church and all that jazz I may as well have someone I know and like there to pray for my ass if something should happen, da nada Bog (God forbid).
Usually when Milan and I go to church we leave Eric with his dad's parents for the morning. They have been watching him a lot lately as we've had one thing after another that is MUCH easier without him present (like meeting with Father) so I told Milan yesterday that I didn't want him going over there this morning. I said, "I know you want to go to church and that's fine...but we're either taking Eric or he and I will stay home and you can go." He understood my reasoning and said, "Well, I guess we need to buy him some church clothes then." So off to Target we went to find a pair of dress pants and a button down for a 4 year old. It was oddly hard to find! Granted we could have gone to the mall and had no problem but I was trying to avoid that. So luckily for Eric, Target had no ties for little boys so he only got stuck with some black pants and a blue oxford....oh and some uncomfortable (they look like it anyway) black dress shoes. Most of you who may read this don't know my kid but he has the attention span of a fruit fly and can stay still for about 0.82 seconds and is only quiet when he's sleeping. So church should be interesting today. We decided we would sit near the back so we can easily duck out when he starts being crazy. Besides, it is Mother's Day...what better day to take my son to church with me right?
While we were shopping I also found myself some new church shoes. I have A LOT of shoes but most of them are sandals (like Birkenstocks or flip flops). I have some flats but they are either uncomfortable for long term wear or meant to be worn with pants. I was seriously lacking flats that were comfortable and skirt appropriate...so after MUCH time in the shoe store I found a pair that I hope will be okay and not kill my feet today. They were really comfy in the store but you just never know until you have to stand in them for 45+ minutes. I also dug a jacket out of my closet so my elbows will be covered today...good thing I remembered I had it...otherwise I'd have been wearing a sweater and who wants to do that when it's warm out?
Well, back to my reading while everyone is still asleep and the house is peacefully quiet. :)
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Converting or Orthodoxy
Prior to planning on marrying Milan I had always figured I’d have an outdoor wedding somewhere since I’m not particularly religious. Milan wasn’t either really but he told me that being with me made him more religious. I thought that was odd since I’m pretty agnostic in my beliefs. He explained it was because he feels it is important for families to have a “solid foundation” and that was the best way he knew how to provide it. I’m okay with that and I think it is sweet that he wants to provide that base for us.
Part of that solid foundation means getting married in the church though. I admit the first time I went I sat there listening to a sermon I didn’t understand a word of and thinking to myself, “My wedding dress would look really nice in here.” That was at Christmas, months before he proposed, but the thought was already there. I was pretty naïve at that point and thought it would be no real problem. Now that I know more it is still not a real problem, but it is a process.
When I was about 4 years old my parents decided to have me baptized at the Methodist church we attended. I’m not entirely sure why they waited so long but they did. I was a very shy kid and wanted nothing to do with strangers…especially strangers who wanted to dump water on my head. I threw such a huge fit in the middle of the church that the minister refused to do it and told my parents to let me decide when I was okay with it. Turns out that would happen 27 years later. I joke that even at a young age I was already questioning religion. So being the true heathen that I am, the Serbian Orthodox church won’t let Milan marry me as things stand now. This means I have to be baptized into the religion. Fortunately I’ve been to the church a few times and I have done enough reading and research on it that I am okay with the idea. A few one on one conversations with God and it’s all good.
I had been researching the heck out of the conversion process and there's little information out there about it and that frustrated me to no end! I like to read and know what I’m getting myself into before it happens…it’s just in my nature. I’ve since decided that the reason there is so little information about it is because it isn’t a big huge ordeal like it is in some other religions...or perhaps because it varies so much from church to church. At our particular church there aren’t any classes, no required reading materials, no tests. It is just a personal choice and when you think you’re ready you meet with the priest and set a date for the actual baptism. That is my kind of process! Milan and I met with the priest this past weekend and he recommended a couple of books to read and was very excited that I was willing to be Serbian Orthodox. He did tell me, “Orthodoxy isn’t a religion, it isn’t a faith, it isn’t something you believe…it is a way of life, it is something that you do and follow every day.” Fortunately I understood what he meant or that would have sounded very scary to a newbie.
As I mentioned, Father recommended one book in particular called Becoming Orthodox: A Journey to the Ancient Christian Faith by Peter E. Gillquist. Gillquist and a group of evangelical Christians converted to Orthodoxy over a period of years…this book is their story of why. Father seemed to think that it would be even better for me since it is written from the perspective of a non-Serb who converted. On my own I also purchased a “manual” on confession and communion in the Orthodox Church. Since communion was something I did at church as a kid and confession was something I never had to do the whole thing is very foreign to me. Milan did confession (for the first time in over 20 years) and received communion.I fasted with him for the week before but knew I couldn’t participate. When he went to get communion he brought a piece of bread back for me and as I stared at it in my hand, knowing what it symbolized I debated what to do for a minute. Then I said a silent prayer and popped it in my mouth. It was the weirdest thing but I started crying. Not an all out sob-fest, but tears streaming. I can’t really explain that. Back to the confession thing…I know before my baptism and before the wedding I’ll have to do a confession but as it stands right now I wouldn’t know what to confess. I know it sounds silly but do I confess that one time I forgot we were fasting and I had an egg for breakfast? Do I confess that I have impure thoughts about my future husband or that *GASP* we have sex? I have no clue. So that book seemed like it would be helpful for me. They are supposed to arrive later this week.
Since I mentioned the “non-Serb convert” thing I’ve thought about that a lot. I know that religion and nationality don’t really go together (contrary to popular belief, Jewish isn’t a nationality) but somehow I feel that by doing this I’ll suddenly be Serbian…should I make a pilgrimage to the old country? Perhaps I can stay with Tata (Milan’s dad) and we can stare at each other in silence due to a language barrier. I have done my family tree back 16 generations and none of the Yugoslavian countries were in it anywhere so I can’t even try to embrace that 1/4096th of me that is, in fact, Serbian. A coworker of mine suggested that I am “Serbian by injection” which cracked me up. Seriously though, I’ll be calling “Serbian Orthodox” my religion, my last name will most definitely be Serbian, I’ll be married to a “Milan” which is basically the Serbian version of “Mike” in terms of the commonality of it…the only thing keeping me from being Serbian is my lineage and that just seems odd. I am as American as they come, I had family on the Mayflower and I’ve got some American Indiana in me (only 4 generations back) so in reality I’ve been here forever. Then there is Eric who will be raised in the Church and will, probably, have Milan’s last name as well, I expect he’ll learn more Serbian than me because kids learn language easier than adults. He’s the product of my mutt-ass and a father who was half German and half Polish. Yet I expect he’ll tell people he’s Serbian when they ask. That leaves me a bit conflicted yet somehow proud.
Part of that solid foundation means getting married in the church though. I admit the first time I went I sat there listening to a sermon I didn’t understand a word of and thinking to myself, “My wedding dress would look really nice in here.” That was at Christmas, months before he proposed, but the thought was already there. I was pretty naïve at that point and thought it would be no real problem. Now that I know more it is still not a real problem, but it is a process.
When I was about 4 years old my parents decided to have me baptized at the Methodist church we attended. I’m not entirely sure why they waited so long but they did. I was a very shy kid and wanted nothing to do with strangers…especially strangers who wanted to dump water on my head. I threw such a huge fit in the middle of the church that the minister refused to do it and told my parents to let me decide when I was okay with it. Turns out that would happen 27 years later. I joke that even at a young age I was already questioning religion. So being the true heathen that I am, the Serbian Orthodox church won’t let Milan marry me as things stand now. This means I have to be baptized into the religion. Fortunately I’ve been to the church a few times and I have done enough reading and research on it that I am okay with the idea. A few one on one conversations with God and it’s all good.
I had been researching the heck out of the conversion process and there's little information out there about it and that frustrated me to no end! I like to read and know what I’m getting myself into before it happens…it’s just in my nature. I’ve since decided that the reason there is so little information about it is because it isn’t a big huge ordeal like it is in some other religions...or perhaps because it varies so much from church to church. At our particular church there aren’t any classes, no required reading materials, no tests. It is just a personal choice and when you think you’re ready you meet with the priest and set a date for the actual baptism. That is my kind of process! Milan and I met with the priest this past weekend and he recommended a couple of books to read and was very excited that I was willing to be Serbian Orthodox. He did tell me, “Orthodoxy isn’t a religion, it isn’t a faith, it isn’t something you believe…it is a way of life, it is something that you do and follow every day.” Fortunately I understood what he meant or that would have sounded very scary to a newbie.
As I mentioned, Father recommended one book in particular called Becoming Orthodox: A Journey to the Ancient Christian Faith by Peter E. Gillquist. Gillquist and a group of evangelical Christians converted to Orthodoxy over a period of years…this book is their story of why. Father seemed to think that it would be even better for me since it is written from the perspective of a non-Serb who converted. On my own I also purchased a “manual” on confession and communion in the Orthodox Church. Since communion was something I did at church as a kid and confession was something I never had to do the whole thing is very foreign to me. Milan did confession (for the first time in over 20 years) and received communion.I fasted with him for the week before but knew I couldn’t participate. When he went to get communion he brought a piece of bread back for me and as I stared at it in my hand, knowing what it symbolized I debated what to do for a minute. Then I said a silent prayer and popped it in my mouth. It was the weirdest thing but I started crying. Not an all out sob-fest, but tears streaming. I can’t really explain that. Back to the confession thing…I know before my baptism and before the wedding I’ll have to do a confession but as it stands right now I wouldn’t know what to confess. I know it sounds silly but do I confess that one time I forgot we were fasting and I had an egg for breakfast? Do I confess that I have impure thoughts about my future husband or that *GASP* we have sex? I have no clue. So that book seemed like it would be helpful for me. They are supposed to arrive later this week.
Since I mentioned the “non-Serb convert” thing I’ve thought about that a lot. I know that religion and nationality don’t really go together (contrary to popular belief, Jewish isn’t a nationality) but somehow I feel that by doing this I’ll suddenly be Serbian…should I make a pilgrimage to the old country? Perhaps I can stay with Tata (Milan’s dad) and we can stare at each other in silence due to a language barrier. I have done my family tree back 16 generations and none of the Yugoslavian countries were in it anywhere so I can’t even try to embrace that 1/4096th of me that is, in fact, Serbian. A coworker of mine suggested that I am “Serbian by injection” which cracked me up. Seriously though, I’ll be calling “Serbian Orthodox” my religion, my last name will most definitely be Serbian, I’ll be married to a “Milan” which is basically the Serbian version of “Mike” in terms of the commonality of it…the only thing keeping me from being Serbian is my lineage and that just seems odd. I am as American as they come, I had family on the Mayflower and I’ve got some American Indiana in me (only 4 generations back) so in reality I’ve been here forever. Then there is Eric who will be raised in the Church and will, probably, have Milan’s last name as well, I expect he’ll learn more Serbian than me because kids learn language easier than adults. He’s the product of my mutt-ass and a father who was half German and half Polish. Yet I expect he’ll tell people he’s Serbian when they ask. That leaves me a bit conflicted yet somehow proud.
Food & Beverage
Food is such a major part of the Serbian culture and tradition and MAN do they know what they are doing. I have yet to encounter a Serbian dish I don’t like. It seems the main rule in Serbian cooking is, “Never enough onion or garlic,” and as long as you’re okay with that you’re good to go. The first ethnic thing Milan cooked for me was cevaps (chee-vops or chey-vops, depending on local dialect, which is a shortened version of cevapcici) which are about the size and shape of breakfast sausage links that don’t have casings….but they are made of a beef, pork and lamb combo. You grill them up and eat them with a side of diced onions on a pita or just plain...very yummy. Kajmak (ky-mahk) is another favorite, it is a lot like cream cheese only somehow better. Ajvar (Eye-var) is a vegetable spread there isn’t an American equivalent in texture or flavor but trust me it is good stuff…smear it on some bread with some kajmak and you’ll be in heaven. There are many others I’ve had at Milan’s sister’s house that I can’t remember what they are called…like sarma, their version of stuffed cabbage. Milan also makes this bean dish, I’m not sure if it has a name, but it is something his mom used to make when he was growing up….it is mashed up beans with onions and seasoning.
The alcohol…I don’t have much to say on this because I’ve only had it once and it was in a concoction that Kum told me was “Serbian tea.” I have seen recipes and it turns out that there is tea involved but you wouldn’t know by the taste. Sljivovica is Serbian plum brandy. When I tried it in the aforementioned tea my first thought was a saying my dad used to use, “That will put hair on your chest.” That, in turn, made me laugh since Milan is a bit on the furry side…it’s all because of slivo.
We are lucky enough to be blessed with an ethnic food store, owned by Serbs in fact, not too far from us. Last time I dropped in it was just Eric and I and as we were checking out the woman (I think she is an owner) gave Eric some candy and I told him to say, “hvala” (pronounced “fah-la” and it means thanks) which was a mistake because she then started speaking Serbian as though the kid and I were fluent. We just looked at her and she said “You don’t speak Serbian huh?” “I speak VERY little, like you heard the bulk of what I know, and my fiance hasn't taught the kid much yet.” She laughed and gave Eric homework to learn 3 new Serbian words before we went back in. We haven’t been back yet and I’m not sure Eric has learned any new words. Perhaps he has, he was fond of “mali mis” (molly meesh) which means “little mouse” when Milan called him that a few days ago…who knows if it stuck though.
The alcohol…I don’t have much to say on this because I’ve only had it once and it was in a concoction that Kum told me was “Serbian tea.” I have seen recipes and it turns out that there is tea involved but you wouldn’t know by the taste. Sljivovica is Serbian plum brandy. When I tried it in the aforementioned tea my first thought was a saying my dad used to use, “That will put hair on your chest.” That, in turn, made me laugh since Milan is a bit on the furry side…it’s all because of slivo.
We are lucky enough to be blessed with an ethnic food store, owned by Serbs in fact, not too far from us. Last time I dropped in it was just Eric and I and as we were checking out the woman (I think she is an owner) gave Eric some candy and I told him to say, “hvala” (pronounced “fah-la” and it means thanks) which was a mistake because she then started speaking Serbian as though the kid and I were fluent. We just looked at her and she said “You don’t speak Serbian huh?” “I speak VERY little, like you heard the bulk of what I know, and my fiance hasn't taught the kid much yet.” She laughed and gave Eric homework to learn 3 new Serbian words before we went back in. We haven’t been back yet and I’m not sure Eric has learned any new words. Perhaps he has, he was fond of “mali mis” (molly meesh) which means “little mouse” when Milan called him that a few days ago…who knows if it stuck though.
Serbian basics I've learned so far
Prior to meeting Milan all I knew of Serbian culture was that there was a Serbian family who owned the bar my parents took us to when I was in high school and they made awesome lamb, did wonderful things with peppers in oil and the man was the most hairy person I'd ever met. I knew there were some Serbs I went to school with but they all kept to themselves in their own little Serb clique so I didn't learn much other than never to assume they were Greek, Macedonia and CERTAINLY not Croatian...EGADS!
Here are just a few lessons I've learned in the past 6 months....
- Serbian Orthodox holidays are different than the Christian counterparts due to the use of the Gregorian calendar...usually. Christmas and New Year's are 13 days later but Easter sometimes falls on the same day...I don't know why.
- They celebrate Slava, which is a feasting celebration of the family's patron saint. This is a uniquely Serbian holiday. The patron saint is passed on from father to son through the generations. Milan's is St. John the Baptist and is on January 20.
- All holidays involve family, food and usually alcohol...all in abundance.
- Kumovi is "the Godfamily." Kuma is a woman, Kum is a man. What is hard to grasp is that your personal Kumovi are called Kum and Kuma by everyone in your family...and everyone in your Kumovi is also called Kum and Kuma. So if you find yourself at an event and you can't remember someone's name, call them Kum or Kuma and you'll be safe 99% of the time because chances are they are somehow related to someone who is Kumovi to someone you are somehow related to.
- Wear black to church whenever possible...and woman should ALWAYS wear skirts and long sleeves are highly recommended. Other colors and sleeve lengths are okay but I promise people will look at you and spot you as an outsider. I made the mistake of wearing pants once and Milan's sister was kind enough, after I'd already figured it out on my own, to tell me to get a skirt before we left. Milan, being a man, was oblivious to this rule. The sleeve length I figured out on my own, though they seem to be lightening up on this because at a recent service I saw that the choir director was wearing short sleeves. Unless it is really hot, then suddenly lighter colors and tank top are acceptable. I don't make the rules, just try to follow them.
- Comfortable shoes are a MUST for going to church! Something else I wish I had known in advance because my feet were dying after Christmas service in knee-high boots. I have been to 4 services so far (Christmas, Slava, 1 misc one during Lent and one that ended up being the church's Slava) which comes to about 6 hours of church and I'd say about 5 of those were spent standing.
- Before arriving at for dinner, find out if the host/hostess will be offended if you bring a dish. I know that bringing a dish is proper thing to do but seems some may be offended as they see it as you thinking they aren't capable of providing everything a host should. I don't know if this is a Serbian thing or just a "Milan's family" thing.
Here are just a few lessons I've learned in the past 6 months....
- Serbian Orthodox holidays are different than the Christian counterparts due to the use of the Gregorian calendar...usually. Christmas and New Year's are 13 days later but Easter sometimes falls on the same day...I don't know why.
- They celebrate Slava, which is a feasting celebration of the family's patron saint. This is a uniquely Serbian holiday. The patron saint is passed on from father to son through the generations. Milan's is St. John the Baptist and is on January 20.
- All holidays involve family, food and usually alcohol...all in abundance.
- Kumovi is "the Godfamily." Kuma is a woman, Kum is a man. What is hard to grasp is that your personal Kumovi are called Kum and Kuma by everyone in your family...and everyone in your Kumovi is also called Kum and Kuma. So if you find yourself at an event and you can't remember someone's name, call them Kum or Kuma and you'll be safe 99% of the time because chances are they are somehow related to someone who is Kumovi to someone you are somehow related to.
- Wear black to church whenever possible...and woman should ALWAYS wear skirts and long sleeves are highly recommended. Other colors and sleeve lengths are okay but I promise people will look at you and spot you as an outsider. I made the mistake of wearing pants once and Milan's sister was kind enough, after I'd already figured it out on my own, to tell me to get a skirt before we left. Milan, being a man, was oblivious to this rule. The sleeve length I figured out on my own, though they seem to be lightening up on this because at a recent service I saw that the choir director was wearing short sleeves. Unless it is really hot, then suddenly lighter colors and tank top are acceptable. I don't make the rules, just try to follow them.
- Comfortable shoes are a MUST for going to church! Something else I wish I had known in advance because my feet were dying after Christmas service in knee-high boots. I have been to 4 services so far (Christmas, Slava, 1 misc one during Lent and one that ended up being the church's Slava) which comes to about 6 hours of church and I'd say about 5 of those were spent standing.
- Before arriving at for dinner, find out if the host/hostess will be offended if you bring a dish. I know that bringing a dish is proper thing to do but seems some may be offended as they see it as you thinking they aren't capable of providing everything a host should. I don't know if this is a Serbian thing or just a "Milan's family" thing.
About us
Milan (pronounced "mee-lon" not mill-ann or mil-on)and I met online in September 2008. We lived in the same town, only 1.5 miles apart, but for some reason it took a month of talking before we went out on our first date (which started at noon and didn't end until 10 that evening). Since that date we have seen each other everyday and it has been quite a whirlwind. He proposed on our 5 month anniversary after he and my mom teamed up on me but that is a long story for another post. We are planning our wedding for May 1, 2010.
Milan's 39, he's never been married and has no kids...which might make you wonder "what's wrong with this guy" but I think it's because he takes the idea of marriage very seriously and didn't want to get into something that wasn't going to be a life-long commitment; at least that's what I tell myself. He is the first in his family to be born here. His siblings were born in Serbia and some of his family still lives there, including his father (his mom passed away a few years ago).
I have a 4 year old son (who's father also passed away a few years ago) and I was married once upon a time. Milan and Eric have a wonderful father/son relationship and it warms my heart to know that my son finally has a father-figure in his life that is deserving of the title. After a few not-so-great relationships I am glad I have found "the one" and I consider all past relationships just practice for the real thing.
Milan's 39, he's never been married and has no kids...which might make you wonder "what's wrong with this guy" but I think it's because he takes the idea of marriage very seriously and didn't want to get into something that wasn't going to be a life-long commitment; at least that's what I tell myself. He is the first in his family to be born here. His siblings were born in Serbia and some of his family still lives there, including his father (his mom passed away a few years ago).
I have a 4 year old son (who's father also passed away a few years ago) and I was married once upon a time. Milan and Eric have a wonderful father/son relationship and it warms my heart to know that my son finally has a father-figure in his life that is deserving of the title. After a few not-so-great relationships I am glad I have found "the one" and I consider all past relationships just practice for the real thing.
Why I'm doing this blog
You don't realize just how few "How-to" books and websites on a topic there are until you need one. Such as "How To Marry a Serbian Man." I realize this probably isn't a real common thing to look for, hence the lack of information, but truly I think it is needed. I could really use one!
I should clarify that I didn't set out trying to find a Serb to marry, it just so happens that's who I fell in love with. So this blog is about what I've encountered, gone through and will go through as I start my life as a loving, albeit clueless, supruga (wife).
I'm sorry for the onslaught of posts the first day...trying to bring it all up to speed so I can just add to it as things come up.
I should clarify that I didn't set out trying to find a Serb to marry, it just so happens that's who I fell in love with. So this blog is about what I've encountered, gone through and will go through as I start my life as a loving, albeit clueless, supruga (wife).
I'm sorry for the onslaught of posts the first day...trying to bring it all up to speed so I can just add to it as things come up.
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