It's growing!

Remember in my last post when it was just going to be a few people and no party or anything after wards? Well...apparently there will now be about 15 people at the church and we are having a BBQ after the baptism (at my TINY TINY house...ugh) and currently there are 33 people on the guest list!!! How did this happen you ask? Milan's sister said, via e-mail, "Are you guys having a luncheon? This is sorta a big thing in our culture." Which I initially opposed and then I caved and said, "Well, I suppose having a few people over and doing some cold cuts wouldn't kill me." Within two hours it was a full on summer cookout and the guest list keeps growing. At this rate we may as well just invite everyone on the wedding list and have the reception in the backyard 8 months before the wedding. LOL

I'm doing okay with it so far but I expect a major freak out at some point. Up until now in my life the most people I've ever had to entertain was like 8 and it was my best friends who would didn't care what I made for dinner as long as there was beer. And now I have to try to feed 35 people? *deep soothing breathes* I can do this.

All set

September 5 at 11am is it. Father, at first, wasn't sure he could do it that day because he has another one at 12:30 but said we could go before that if we wanted. He took down all the information he needed (birthday, time and location for Eric and I as well as both our parents names) and he said all we needed to do was show up. I can do that. Kum Peter has to bring stuff for us. He also asked Father how it was performed (some churches do full submersion others a sprinkling and we didn't know what the routine was). Father said, "We'll have a portable pool brought in, about 5 feet deep." We all just looked at him and then he laughed and said, "There's a pool over there" as he gestured to one side of the church. From what I could see even Eric won't fit in it so I'm thinking it'll be more of a pouring of water rather than a dunking. :) So, we're all set.

We had to stay after to talk to Father of course and it was just the 5 of us in there and Eric said, "Father, I have something to say." Father said, "Oh yea, what's that?" "Why do you have to sing so long in church?" Father chuckled and said "You think it is too long?" "Yes" "Me too but I can't make it any shorter, I try but there is only so much I can do." "Okay." He is a good man, Father I mean....very patient.

Also, I already invited Kum Peter's parents and I told Milan to invite his sister and her family to the baptism. Still debating who else I want to ask.

"Pick a Date"

That's what Father said when I finally got to talk to him yesterday about the baptism. He said, "We can do it any day and anytime as long as I'm in town...so talk to your future husband and Kum and pick a date." Okie dokie I suppose we can do that. Father is a wonderful man but every so often when I call and he gives me one more tiny task to do I wonder this: when we first discussed me being baptized why didn't you say, "Read this book, decide on a Kum, pick a date and THEN call me." But he said "call me after you read this book," and then "call me when you choose a Kum," and now "Call me when you pick a date." I'm thinking much time could have been saved if I was given the full process rather than one step at a time. No big deal I suppose...just a thought that has crossed my mind.

I'm curious to see how the wedding plans will go with him. He already knows the Kum and date for that but will he be like "Call me when you decide on a time," "Call me to discuss the pre-wedding confession," "Call me with rehearsal dinner plans..." and so on. Perhaps this time, now that I know his routine, I'll just ask up front what the whole process is and when we should call him with details. He is very "step-by-step" which is good because I have no clue what the steps are but I feel like Eric who, when drawing a square, checks with me after each side is drawn to make sure it is okay.

So now I am trying to decide on a date. I'm leaning towards September 5 which is the weekend of my birthday. Mostly just because it seems like as good a weekend as any other but also because that whole "spiritual rebirth" thing that it symbolizes would be so close to my actual birthday...just seems kinda appropriate. Milan said he doesn't care when it is so I'll check with Kum Peter after church this morning and see if he's free. Then I'll call Father again and tell him and he'll say "Okay, decide on a time and call me back." Perhaps I should have one in mind so I can beat him to the punch. :)

Then there's the debate I keep having in my head of who I want to have there. We are very quiet, low-key people and to me this is a very personal thing to do so I don't know if I want Milan's sister and her family there, or the entire Kumovi for that matter. But somehow it seems that having them there is more logical (for lack of a better word) than having my family there. It isn't as though my mom is supportive of the idea...she doesn't go to church, doesn't really claim a religion and I wasn't raised with one so I'm not "betraying" anything by doing this. But she hasn't been overly supportive either...no, "Wow that is awesome you're willing to do that" or "That's great honey if that's what you want to do." Granted those aren't things my mom would really say anyway but still. So far the only comment she's made about it was after I told her Kum Peter said yes, "You must be really crazy about Milan to go through all this....or perhaps just crazy." What is that? Was that an insult? Does she think I'm nuts for doing this? Or was she saying "This guy must be really special, I'm happy for you." I have no clue. Mom is odd and after almost 32 years I still don't get her sometimes. I do know where I inherited my ability to be ambiguous from though. Oh I forgot, she did ask one time, "Do we have to have some big party for this baptism?" No, thanks for kinda-sorta-possibly offering to have one though? *shrug*

My sister specifically asked to be there and really she is the LAST person I want to invite. We don't get along (read: I can't stand her, she's oblivious and thus even more irritating). She has "special needs" and is 29 but mentally is only about 10-12 years old...can you imagine living with a 10 year old forever?!?! The insane amounts of strange questions she asks is unbelievable. So having her at something as very foreign to her as a Serbian Orthodox Baptism would just be enough to spawn a zillion questions leading me to want to do very unholy things to her. Not to mention, Father's accent is VERY thick and she wouldn't understand any of it, even if he performs it in English.

So anyway, I have no clue who I want to invite to this ordeal. Part of me wants to just have the necessary parties there: us, Father and Kum Peter. Milan said we can include whomever we want and that if we don't invite people and they are offended then so-be-it. That sounds nice in theory but I don't know if I want to deal with the aftermath. Plus I would feel bad...these people (Milan's family and Kumovi) have been very welcoming to me since day one so why would I want to leave them out of this?

UGH! I'm at a total loss as to what to do. Maybe I'll just do it on a random Tuesday and say "I'm sorry, I didn't think you'd be able to make it."

Odd realization

I have the day off so Milan and I got a chance to talk this morning before he left for work (usually he's still snoring when I leave). We were just chatting away and Kum Peter came up...we're still both excited and happy he said yes. But I mentioned his back pain, he has some back issues and was in much pain when he came over Saturday and still sore at church yesterday...though it didn't stop him from bending over to hug Eric and I (he's waaaay tall, I mean everyone is compared to me but I think he's tall even by most people's standards). So I told Milan that and he said that just shows the type of guy he is which made me even happier that we chose him. I then mentioned that I was planning to e-mail Kum today to find out how his back was feeling and see if he'd made an appointment yet with the massage person that has magical hands that fix the issue. I stood there for a second and I got a little teary and said, "It is odd that just a few days ago I liked Peter just fine and all but now I'm feeling the need to make sure he's doing okay. It is interesting that, without really thinking about it, in my mind he's gone from just a family friend to someone I actually care about like he's family." Milan smiled and said, "Well he is family now."

I just found that strange...in a good way. Somewhere inside this transition happen, it isn't a conscious thought or anything. This man, who 4 days ago I barely knew his last name, is suddenly that important to me. Which in turn makes me realize just how engrossed I've become in this process. A couple months ago the Kumovi concept was very foreign to me, I understood it from a logical point of view, but I didn't get it. I think it is so hard to grasp because it is basically a family member that you get to choose. You can't pick your blood relatives, you can't even entirely pick who you fall in love with (and certainly not their family)...but this one person is someone you think enough of to ask them if they will be part of your life. How awesome is that?

When I saw Kum Peter at church yesterday it was different. Usually we exchange hellos and hugs and such like with anyone else. But yesterday he waited for Eric and I after church (Milan had to work) just to make sure we got to talk. The hugs were longer and they felt different. I wish I could explain it. He called me Kuma which still sounded funny, but I liked it.

I just don't know how to really describe how it changed or how it feels or what it means but I just can't find the words to have it make sense.

He said yes!

After much conversation and thought we finally decided who we wanted to be our Kum. Originally Milan was thinking it should be someone older than us but I convinced him it wasn't necessary and that someone young could do the job just as well. He asked if I had someone in particular in mind and I was like, "Peter." He thought for a few minutes and agreed. Peter is already Kumovi because his parents are Kum and Kuma to Milan's nephew and niece-in-law and his brother is the Kum for their marriage. That makes me feel like I should put together a Kumovi tree just so people who don't know "the system" can see how it ties together.


C&M are Milan's sister and brother-in-law...green lines indicate kumovi relationships. Clear as mud even with the visual aide!


We invited Peter over for dinner last night. I'm pretty sure he had at least an inkling as to why we were having him over since no one in his family (or Milan's for that matter) has been invited over. Anyway I made a super yummy dinner...figured I had to win him over somehow so he'd be willing to take on this responsibility we were asking of him. So after many hours of eating and talking Milan finally stepped in and was like, "So Peter, we asked you over because we wanted to talk to you about something.....we have this time share..." I just cracked up! We had joked about asking him to babysit and things like that because we're just goofy people but the timeshare idea was never discussed so I wasn't prepared and couldn't hold myself together. After letting me laugh it out for a few minutes and Peter looking very confused Milan said, "I'm kidding of course. We wanted to know if you'd be our Kum." With no hesitation at all Peter said yes. Then I added, "This does take on some extras though because Eric and I would also like you to be our Kum since we haven't been baptized yet." He said, "Well of course, I'm truly honored that you guys asked." He was a little misty-eyed even! It was great, we all exchanged hugs and he called us Kum and Kuma which sounded so weird because that was the first time someone had said it to me.

I'm glad we decided on Peter. He's a couple years younger than me but so mature and smart and just an all around great guy. Besides that, the only person who is at church more regularly than Peter is Father I think...so from a spiritual sense he's the perfect choice too. He is the type of person who would give you the shirt off his back...his whole family is like that.

Milan has to work today but I decided Eric and I would go to church anyway. Seems odd to have our Kum over for dinner and then skip church the next morning...even though Peter didn't leave until about 1am.

Cute story...when I told Eric Peter was coming over I told him, "You may have to start calling him Kum Peter." He looked at me kinda puzzled and said, "Computer?!?!" I cracked up. He seems to have the name under control now though...I was kinda hoping Computer would stick actually. :)