Long time no update!

I'm sorry that it has been ages...there just wasn't too much to report....but we had a super productive weekend so now there is lots to say!

We finally got a time from Father for the wedding, it will be at 2:30...which is great. Late enough to not have a HUGE gap between ceremony and reception, but early enough to have time for pics after. Reception starts at 5 with dinner at 6. So with the long ceremony (it's like an hour possibly hour and a half eeek!) that will work out nicely.

We also got our cake ordered...can't wait to see that. It will be delicious, just hope it looks as pretty as it tastes...I won't see it until we get to the reception ourselves. That lack of control is making me a little twitchy but I'll cope.

I talked to a florist and have decided to go with real tulips after all...she said it will be no problem even at peak prom season because we don't need site decorating.

We got the invitations ordered...that is a HUGE stress off my mind. I even found a coupon that saved us (and by "us" I mean my mom) $100!

We got the tuxes picked out and information sent to our guys about it (I think anyway, I'm trusting that Milan did that as instructed.)

We got Milan's ring purchased. I had bought one but I wasn't positive he'd like it so when we took it in to get it sized I told him to look around at the others first...he fell in love with another one that I swear wasn't there at the time I went. I love it as well so we got it.

Now the most pressing issue on my mind is the rehearsal dinner. Because we have out of towners in the bridal party (like the Matron of Honor and Best Man...so pretty important people) we have to have rehearsal and rehearsal dinner on the Friday before the wedding. To most people that is standard and no big deal right? The problem is, as the good Orthodox people we are LOL, Friday is a fasting day. Our fasting rules (read as: the ones Milan told me because it's how he was raised) at home are NOT actually the same as the church's rules...proper fasting means no meat, fish, eggs, dairy, wine or oil. Where in the world do you go out to dinner and eat anything besides steamed veggies while still following those rules?!?! It also wouldn't be an issue is Father we're attending the dinner because then I wouldn't feel bad about being a little bit lax and ordering a shrimp pasta or something. So we're trying to figure out how to handle this situation. It's a tough one. I wish we had a vegan place around here because that would make it a bit easier. Perhaps Father won't be able to go.

The reality is setting in

It is strange that I've been engaged since March and we've had the date set since April but just in the past week or so it has really set in that I'm getting married!

I wonder if part of the delay in that reality was because there were other things that had to happen before the wedding could...like deciding on a Kum and being baptized. But now those things are done and there's nothing but time in the way.

My Matron of honor and bridesmaid are ordering dresses this week...another thing to make it more real. We soon need to start thinking about bakers, tux styles and perhaps even a honeymoon (we have one in mind but I don't think we'll be able to afford it right after the wedding so it may be an anniversary trip instead).

All the smaller details are coming to mind...ordering save the date cards, getting our stationary ordered, getting the boxes for the favors, finishing assembly on one of my projects, folding origami tulips until my fingers are raw with paper cuts....or and maybe I should even make sure I have a finalized guest list from Milan.

AGGG!

Okay minor bride panic has subsided for now...more to come in the next 7 months I'm sure.

The Baptism

Better late than never right? It was a crazy busy weekend and it has been crazy at work so I haven't been thinking real well in the evenings.

Anyway, I have to say the Baptism was fabulous and our party went great. I didn't even butcher Communion on Sunday! After a week of LOTS of work and stress before the big day I'm still amazed at how smoothly it all went.

The week before we decided to put new siding on the house so it looked better for the party. A word of advice...DON'T DO THIS!! It got done in time but Milan and I nearly killed ourselves getting the yard ready (things to tear down, dirt to be moved etc) for the siding guys. Then there was a week of cleaning and food buying and alcohol buying and food prep...can't say any of that was a ton of fun either. But in the end it was worth every minute of it.

There were no fewer than a million pictures taken at the church but none at the party so I'll just post the highlights as I explain the Baptismal process as best as I can.

Here we are before heading off to the church...already running late because Milan is worse than most women when it comes to getting ready.

Once we got to the church Father wasted no time getting things started. We headed to the entryway of the church where it all begins to signify that we were not members of the church (this is standard procedure...Baptism "brings one into the Church.") In the vestibule I had to renounce Satan on behalf of both Eric and myself...three times (everything is done three times to represent the Holy Trinity). In fact I had to spit on Satan...Father actually expected me to spit but my mouth was so dry I'm sure dust was all that came out. I was also taught the proper way to cross myself and why they do it the way they do...thumb and the first two fingers together to represent the Holy Trinity and the last two fingers tucked into the palm to represent the two natures of Christ, divine and human.

A picture of Eric right before I spit on the floor...I think he was worried I'd get yelled at like he does when he spits.





After that I was asked to read "The Creed." Now, those who know me know this, I DO NOT read out loud. I hate it with a passion you can't possibly understand. It all stems back from a dyslexic moment in 7th grade but regardless I HATE IT! I had told Milan that I hoped I didn't have to read anything but I suspected I might and I knew it would be The Creed so I'd pre-read it a few times. Had I known for sure I'd be reading it I would have just memorized it because I have no issues public speaking, just public reading. Ordinarily this would be done by the Kum but since I'm old enough to read Father told me to do it. As soon as he told me to read panic set in until Milan slipped his arm around my back...after stumbling through a few lines Kuma L and Kum Peter started saying it with me which helped a lot. It wouldn't be so bad but it is pretty long. I learned later that "The Creed" is standard amongst religions and it is the same ones the Catholics say. "I believe in one God..." Had it been the Lord's Prayer I'd have been set, that I remember from childhood.

After that torture was over (I debated the whole thing when Father asked me to read but decided Milan was worth it) we entered the church. Father lit candles, one for me, one for Eric and started the actual Baptismal service. Fortunately neither Eric nor myself are small enough to fit in the font because the usual process for babies is a full, three times over, naked dunk. So I suppose those who were present should also be happy the font was too small for me to climb in. :) Once candles were lit, Kum Peter held Eric's, I held my own most of the time we were Anointed...where father puts blessed oil (also known as the oil of exorcism) on our forehead, nose, ears, mouth, chest, hands and feet in the sign of the cross as an "armor" against evil spirits.


At some point Father blessed the water, though I don't recall if that happen before or after the anointing. He then poured it over me...and then Eric. Now, from what I have heard, our Father is a little more hardcore about this. My future neice-in-law said the Father who baptized her just used a handful of water...Eric and I were not so lucky...we got a pitcher of water, three times, over the head. In fact, Father even dumped it down my back once! It was like wet t-shirt day at St. George...good thing I was wearing black!


Once we were officially soaked we resumed our previous positions, though now covered in white towels. If we'd been infants I believe we would have been dressed in new, white, clothes all together. Eric was trying to grab my candle and ended up with melted wax dripping on his thumb...he managed to not yell and kept his tears to a mimimum...such a big boy. :) We were then Chrismated or Confirmed. Father took oil and a paintbrush and, in the same locations as anointing us, made the sign of the cross. Father is a wonderful man and managed to tickle Eric and joke with him as he did it.

Chrismation is the seal of the gift of the Holy Spirit and is traditionally done immediately after baptism in the Orthodox church; confirmation it is usually separated from baptism by YEARS in the Catholic church.

After Chrismation there is a small haircut performed. Fortunately I never got around to getting haircuts for either of us or Father would have had a hard time finding hair to cut. The haircut symbolizes giving all your strength to God (read the story of Samson to better understand this) as well as a sacrafice to Him because infants have little else to give. It is just a couple little snips of hair.


After haircuts we all walk around the altar three times. This would have traditionally been done right before Communion but because of the timing of things in today's culture it has become symbolic of the walk to receive first Communion.


After the procession around the altar we were then "Churched." This is the way of "offering" the person to the church and God. It is a bit harder to explain. What I can tell you is that, as a woman, I was not(and never will be) allowed to go behind the Iconostasis (the wall of Icons at the front of an Orthodox church). I was walked to the Royal doors )the main doors in the center of the stasis) and blessed there as well as in front of two other icons, forgive me for not knowing which ones. Eric, on the other hand, was taken behind the stasis for his "churching."
I'm jealous!

After the Churching Father told everyone how it is your responsible to go out and "recruit" for lack of a better word. And then our Kumovi presented Eric and I with our baptismal crosses. Not sure why but there aren't any good pictures of that.

Here are some pics of the family:
Us with Father

Father, Us and Kum Peter

Our families (Mine & Eric's)

There should be pictures of us with our Kumovi but for some reason I can't locate them. :(

So there is the process, best I can recall, from beginning to end. I expected to get emotional about this but I didn't. Milan, however, did. He was pretty teary eyed when we got home. It was short lived though because we had A LOT to do for the party...which turned out great except for my mom's trip to the ER with a severely sprained ankle. Everyone had a good time, the food was well received (pulled pork and chevaps...odd combo I know, but it fit the crowd).

The day after our Baptism, Eric and I both were able to take Communion for the first time. That actually made me cry, not a full on sob but pretty darn weepy. We ended up delaying the whole thing because we didn't realize we were supposed to be up front when we were, but we covered pretty well I think. Kum Peter did communion with us which was awesome of him to do...especially since it meant less reading for me to do. :)

It's growing!

Remember in my last post when it was just going to be a few people and no party or anything after wards? Well...apparently there will now be about 15 people at the church and we are having a BBQ after the baptism (at my TINY TINY house...ugh) and currently there are 33 people on the guest list!!! How did this happen you ask? Milan's sister said, via e-mail, "Are you guys having a luncheon? This is sorta a big thing in our culture." Which I initially opposed and then I caved and said, "Well, I suppose having a few people over and doing some cold cuts wouldn't kill me." Within two hours it was a full on summer cookout and the guest list keeps growing. At this rate we may as well just invite everyone on the wedding list and have the reception in the backyard 8 months before the wedding. LOL

I'm doing okay with it so far but I expect a major freak out at some point. Up until now in my life the most people I've ever had to entertain was like 8 and it was my best friends who would didn't care what I made for dinner as long as there was beer. And now I have to try to feed 35 people? *deep soothing breathes* I can do this.

All set

September 5 at 11am is it. Father, at first, wasn't sure he could do it that day because he has another one at 12:30 but said we could go before that if we wanted. He took down all the information he needed (birthday, time and location for Eric and I as well as both our parents names) and he said all we needed to do was show up. I can do that. Kum Peter has to bring stuff for us. He also asked Father how it was performed (some churches do full submersion others a sprinkling and we didn't know what the routine was). Father said, "We'll have a portable pool brought in, about 5 feet deep." We all just looked at him and then he laughed and said, "There's a pool over there" as he gestured to one side of the church. From what I could see even Eric won't fit in it so I'm thinking it'll be more of a pouring of water rather than a dunking. :) So, we're all set.

We had to stay after to talk to Father of course and it was just the 5 of us in there and Eric said, "Father, I have something to say." Father said, "Oh yea, what's that?" "Why do you have to sing so long in church?" Father chuckled and said "You think it is too long?" "Yes" "Me too but I can't make it any shorter, I try but there is only so much I can do." "Okay." He is a good man, Father I mean....very patient.

Also, I already invited Kum Peter's parents and I told Milan to invite his sister and her family to the baptism. Still debating who else I want to ask.

"Pick a Date"

That's what Father said when I finally got to talk to him yesterday about the baptism. He said, "We can do it any day and anytime as long as I'm in town...so talk to your future husband and Kum and pick a date." Okie dokie I suppose we can do that. Father is a wonderful man but every so often when I call and he gives me one more tiny task to do I wonder this: when we first discussed me being baptized why didn't you say, "Read this book, decide on a Kum, pick a date and THEN call me." But he said "call me after you read this book," and then "call me when you choose a Kum," and now "Call me when you pick a date." I'm thinking much time could have been saved if I was given the full process rather than one step at a time. No big deal I suppose...just a thought that has crossed my mind.

I'm curious to see how the wedding plans will go with him. He already knows the Kum and date for that but will he be like "Call me when you decide on a time," "Call me to discuss the pre-wedding confession," "Call me with rehearsal dinner plans..." and so on. Perhaps this time, now that I know his routine, I'll just ask up front what the whole process is and when we should call him with details. He is very "step-by-step" which is good because I have no clue what the steps are but I feel like Eric who, when drawing a square, checks with me after each side is drawn to make sure it is okay.

So now I am trying to decide on a date. I'm leaning towards September 5 which is the weekend of my birthday. Mostly just because it seems like as good a weekend as any other but also because that whole "spiritual rebirth" thing that it symbolizes would be so close to my actual birthday...just seems kinda appropriate. Milan said he doesn't care when it is so I'll check with Kum Peter after church this morning and see if he's free. Then I'll call Father again and tell him and he'll say "Okay, decide on a time and call me back." Perhaps I should have one in mind so I can beat him to the punch. :)

Then there's the debate I keep having in my head of who I want to have there. We are very quiet, low-key people and to me this is a very personal thing to do so I don't know if I want Milan's sister and her family there, or the entire Kumovi for that matter. But somehow it seems that having them there is more logical (for lack of a better word) than having my family there. It isn't as though my mom is supportive of the idea...she doesn't go to church, doesn't really claim a religion and I wasn't raised with one so I'm not "betraying" anything by doing this. But she hasn't been overly supportive either...no, "Wow that is awesome you're willing to do that" or "That's great honey if that's what you want to do." Granted those aren't things my mom would really say anyway but still. So far the only comment she's made about it was after I told her Kum Peter said yes, "You must be really crazy about Milan to go through all this....or perhaps just crazy." What is that? Was that an insult? Does she think I'm nuts for doing this? Or was she saying "This guy must be really special, I'm happy for you." I have no clue. Mom is odd and after almost 32 years I still don't get her sometimes. I do know where I inherited my ability to be ambiguous from though. Oh I forgot, she did ask one time, "Do we have to have some big party for this baptism?" No, thanks for kinda-sorta-possibly offering to have one though? *shrug*

My sister specifically asked to be there and really she is the LAST person I want to invite. We don't get along (read: I can't stand her, she's oblivious and thus even more irritating). She has "special needs" and is 29 but mentally is only about 10-12 years old...can you imagine living with a 10 year old forever?!?! The insane amounts of strange questions she asks is unbelievable. So having her at something as very foreign to her as a Serbian Orthodox Baptism would just be enough to spawn a zillion questions leading me to want to do very unholy things to her. Not to mention, Father's accent is VERY thick and she wouldn't understand any of it, even if he performs it in English.

So anyway, I have no clue who I want to invite to this ordeal. Part of me wants to just have the necessary parties there: us, Father and Kum Peter. Milan said we can include whomever we want and that if we don't invite people and they are offended then so-be-it. That sounds nice in theory but I don't know if I want to deal with the aftermath. Plus I would feel bad...these people (Milan's family and Kumovi) have been very welcoming to me since day one so why would I want to leave them out of this?

UGH! I'm at a total loss as to what to do. Maybe I'll just do it on a random Tuesday and say "I'm sorry, I didn't think you'd be able to make it."

Odd realization

I have the day off so Milan and I got a chance to talk this morning before he left for work (usually he's still snoring when I leave). We were just chatting away and Kum Peter came up...we're still both excited and happy he said yes. But I mentioned his back pain, he has some back issues and was in much pain when he came over Saturday and still sore at church yesterday...though it didn't stop him from bending over to hug Eric and I (he's waaaay tall, I mean everyone is compared to me but I think he's tall even by most people's standards). So I told Milan that and he said that just shows the type of guy he is which made me even happier that we chose him. I then mentioned that I was planning to e-mail Kum today to find out how his back was feeling and see if he'd made an appointment yet with the massage person that has magical hands that fix the issue. I stood there for a second and I got a little teary and said, "It is odd that just a few days ago I liked Peter just fine and all but now I'm feeling the need to make sure he's doing okay. It is interesting that, without really thinking about it, in my mind he's gone from just a family friend to someone I actually care about like he's family." Milan smiled and said, "Well he is family now."

I just found that strange...in a good way. Somewhere inside this transition happen, it isn't a conscious thought or anything. This man, who 4 days ago I barely knew his last name, is suddenly that important to me. Which in turn makes me realize just how engrossed I've become in this process. A couple months ago the Kumovi concept was very foreign to me, I understood it from a logical point of view, but I didn't get it. I think it is so hard to grasp because it is basically a family member that you get to choose. You can't pick your blood relatives, you can't even entirely pick who you fall in love with (and certainly not their family)...but this one person is someone you think enough of to ask them if they will be part of your life. How awesome is that?

When I saw Kum Peter at church yesterday it was different. Usually we exchange hellos and hugs and such like with anyone else. But yesterday he waited for Eric and I after church (Milan had to work) just to make sure we got to talk. The hugs were longer and they felt different. I wish I could explain it. He called me Kuma which still sounded funny, but I liked it.

I just don't know how to really describe how it changed or how it feels or what it means but I just can't find the words to have it make sense.